Three

The news hit me hard. Just because I hadn’t volunteered for a while, didn’t mean it hadn’t been on my mind every day. It took three sessions with my psychologist to figure out what I needed, followed by another conversation that included my job coach. I had made the brave decision to try antidepressants and had already overcome some of the difficulties that came with it. I was nearly there.

But when my job coach explained our plan, they backed off. Even though I appreciated their honesty, it mostly hurt. 

As if an enormous rock suddenly fell from the sky, blocking my path. Turn around. Go back. Start over. Find another way. 

Well,uhm,pleasedon’texpectthatofmeanymore,I’mexhausted.

This time, it wasn’t an employer who said it, but an organisation that supports people who, for whatever reason, struggled to find a place in society.

“Everyone is welcome here!”

Will they still say that to the next person who walks through the door? Or did they learn from me that there are also people they can’t give a helping hand, no matter how much they’d like to?